A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe by Paul Rademacher

Author:Paul Rademacher
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hampton Roads Publishing

THE PERFECT PASTOR

The myth of the perfect family has its roots in the larger myth of the perfect pastor.

One never-ending duty of the pastor is to visit those facing major difficulties in their lives. For me, this was a constant source of anxiety and stress—not because I didn't want to comfort people, but because the job was never done. Whether it was keeping up with members in the hospital, tending to those in nursing homes, or staying in touch with parishioners who were recently bereaved, the demands were relentless.

Most of my older members were gracious in the extreme. A few, however, were amazingly talented in wielding the bludgeon of shame.

“So nice to see you! It's been so long that I thought you forgot all about me!”

“I can't remember the last time you were here!”

“I thought you'd forgotten where I lived!”

It's amazing how much you can sweat in a three-piece suit. What was so bizarre was that I could never respond. I was trapped in the myth. And the myth demands that the pastor be infinitely patient and kind.

Early in my career, I'd made the mistake of confronting several members in a truthful, straightforward manner. It was a way of communicating that I had learned in the construction industry. There, such straight talk was effective. In the pastoral role, however, it was disastrous. I was never forgiven, and all communication was cut off. A few parishioners left the church.

Because the pastor can never respond truthfully, those who are harboring a hidden rage can launch their darts without fear of retribution, as long as they never speak of their anger directly. Blood is spilled, but decorum is preserved.

The game cannot work, though, unless the pastor is heavily invested in a false image of perfection, which I was. I would sit through such disguised disapproval and pretend not to have heard the rage behind the words.

Make no mistake, the pastorate was my choice. I have no regrets. It was a path that was deadening and painful. But it was necessary for me, because it taught me much about myself.

In the end, I found out why Carl Jung said of his father, who was a pastor, “He did a great deal of good—far too much—and as a result was usually irritable.”54 When I first read that as a young man, it seemed absurd. How could anyone do “far too much” good? Wasn't that the whole goal of life—to be good and to do good?

It would take years for me to understand that devoting my life to only doing good could be fatal in more ways than one. Not only did it slowly wear me out, but it also perpetuated a false image, leaving no time for my true self to emerge. As I would eventually discover, the true self is made up of both light and darkness.

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